Uh...what's with the look on this guy's face?

What's wrong with this picture?

This is too horrible.

Monkey See, Monkey Do, Monkey Pee, Monkey Poo

Although I think these guys are supposed to be chimps, and chimps are apes, not monkeys. Still, they do throw their poo.

Play the game!

Google Me B#%$!

Nat-Wu is the tall one


I don't know if you guys have heard of this website/blog tool called site meter, but not long ago I put it on Three Wise Men, the blog I share with Adam and Nat-Wu. I think it's a pretty neat tool as it offers a variety of ways to track who's visiting your site, where they're coming from, how long they're there, what they're looking at, and analyze traffic to your blog over a period of hours, days, weeks or months. Anyway...the most interesting aspect of it to me is that it allows you to see how someone stumbled across your blog, where they come from en route to your blog. In fact, you can even tell how someone ran across if you if they were doing a google search, and it's kind of amusing to see the various search terms people enter, and how your blog comes up as a hit. Especially when they happen to be running a search for say, the "three Chinese wise men." I'm not exactly sure who the Three Chinese Wise Men are/were, but I'm pretty sure it's got nothing to do with my blog (or the pic I posted above for that matter.) It gets better than that of course. I've recently learned that if you do an MSN search for "Freedom filter Semen Commission"(???) we're the very first hit, a Yahoo Singapore search for "Navy men ripped the women's clothes off" we're the 27th hit, a Yahoo search for "J Lee website that sells jordan shoes" we're the 2nd hit, or an MSN search for "gay semen suckers" where we're again the 2nd hit (the word "semen" isn't even anywhere on our blog, I swear). That's not all site meter tells you either; it also tells you where your visitors are coming from. In the last two days we were visited at length by someone from the Office of the Senate Sergeant at Arms (who linked to us via Adam's Facebook entry, curiously enough) as well as an extremely bored person in the Texas General Services Commission Office who lingered on our blog for over half an hour.

Anyway, the moral of the story is site meter is fun and free. Ta ta for now.

Will this happen to Xanthippas?

Homeless Man Found to Be Missing Lawyer


Power's terrible misadventure began the morning of Aug. 1. He said goodbye to his wife and children before leaving his Westchester County home, north of New York City, and heading to his law office in nearby White Plains.

But he never came home that day. His devastated family had no idea where he was until this week, when he was found after his photo was shown on "America's Most Wanted."

He had been living as a homeless man in Chicago, staying at a shelter called the Pacific Gardens Mission. He could remember nothing of his former existence except a semblance of his name: Jay Tower. One of his homeless buddies in the shelter had been watching "America's Most Wanted" and recognized him.

"He was in good shape physically," said Phil Kwaitkowski, the vice president of ministries at the shelter. "But he was very disoriented and very confused because he didn't know his identity. At one point he broke down and began to cry on the shoulder of one of our security guards because he was so frustrated that he didn't know who he was."

Power's wife was able to talk to her husband by phone on Monday, but he was not able to remember her or their children.

There are clues as to what may have led the lawyer, who was also a churchgoer and Boy Scout leader, to suddenly forget his entire life. Doctors say some rare cases of amnesia can result from extreme stress and typically affect patients who have had post-traumatic stress disorder.

Power was haunted by the memories of the friends he lost while fighting in Vietnam. The psychological pain was dredged up after a narrow escape from the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11.

His family says he often wondered why he chose to leave his office at 7 World Trade early on the morning of the attacks. He was walking between the twin towers minutes before they were attacked.

Power has overcome a lot of adversity in his life — he was a police sergeant who found time to put himself through Fordham Law School. But reacquainting himself with a family and world he has no recollection of may be his most difficult challenge yet.

How Nat-Wu Will Be Found

Why does this happen on a regular basis?

Notices collected on the front door. Phone books lay neglected outside. Mail came seldom, if ever. The lawn was mowed every so often.

But it wasn't until Wednesday that anyone went inside the home on Mercer Drive and found the mummified body of a woman lying on her bedroom floor.

She had been dead about a year, police say, though they add it's difficult to tell when she died or how. Or who she is. It will take DNA for that.

If I were writing a serious post, I'd be wondering about a world we live in where somebody can be dead in their home for a year and even the neighbors don't wonder about her. As I'm not, I prefer to propse instead a service which will regularly check on you to make sure you're not dead. I'm thinking something like one of those med-alert devices (renamed the "dead alert" in this case) where you have to press it maybe every 3 or 4 days and if you don't, they go ahead and send someone to look in your windows and check to make sure you're not decomposing in your recliner or something. It's just an idea.

Prosthetic Leg Stolen...Twice

This is wrong, wrong, wrong.

For the second time in recent months, somebody broke into a 16-year-old girl's home and stole her prosthetic leg - including one that had been donated following the first crime, authorities said.

The thieves took a $12,000 cosmetic leg and a donated $16,000 leg that Melissa Huff uses to play softball, her mother, Lisa Huff, said. She said a camera in the room was untouched.

"It's insane. Who hates her that bad?" Lisa Huff said. "I went back to the girls' room and the room was trashed. Mostly Melissa's stuff."

I'm going to go ahead and postulate that the robbers stole the leg because they thought it would be funny. I think it would be funny to watch them having their balls eaten by ants as their punishment.

This guy wasn't dead already?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20060214/en_movies_eo/18357

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

Zoom to full screen and you'll be able to see it better.

Always Wear Your Seat Belt!

Oh God!

Ok, so for some reason this guy felt the need to see how long a turd he could possibly make. The answer: 26 feet. Ugh. And for some reason he decided he needed to show the world on the internet. And for some reason I just had to see it. And for some reason I just had to show you>

See the poop!

Wow...I can't fathom why someone would do this

Play your favorite atari games...on a screen the size of your pinkie nail.

Play games!

Look at how it go, everybody on the flo'

I'm sure you're all looking forward to MC Hammer's second or third "comeback" album as I am. This is a link to his new video. For some reason, there's no Hammer-dance in it, but check it out anyway.

Video

Fun Read

Usually I decide to read a book based on an interesting description of the book that I see somewhere. And usually the description has to have something that catches my attention. Did a description of this book "Heliogabulas" catch my attention? You betcha. Why? Oh, try this:

Reflecting its author’s preoccupations of the time with the occult, magic, Satan, and a range of esoteric religions, the book shows Artaud at his most lucid as he assembles an entire world-view from raw material of insanity, sexual obsession and anger. Heliogabalus was Rome’s Emperor from the ages of fourteen to eighteen; his reign was characterized by murder, incest, sodomy, debauchery and an anarchic ridicule for the powers of government. Artaud arranges his account of Heliogabalus’s life around the breaking of corporeal borders and the expulsion of fluids, notably blood and sperm: “round the corpse of Heliogabalus there is an intense circulation of blood and excrement, while around his cradle, there is an intense circulation of sperm.”

In case you missed it:

“round the corpse of Heliogabalus there is an intense circulation of blood and excrement, while around his cradle, there is an intense circulation of sperm.”

Sounds like a good read to me!

Movie Review: "The Running Man"

My nightmare

If any of you guys are fans of Stephen King, you've probably read his short story "The Running Man", published under his pseudonym Richard Bachman. The story is set in a dystopian future, where a man is forced by circumstance to participate in a deadly game show for the entertainment of his fellow citizens, wherein he's given a certain amount of time to roam the country and attempt to avoid being caught. If he succeeds, he wins a billion dollars...if he fails, he's killed on the spot or captured and executed. Being as these is a story by Stephen King, there isn't quite a happy ending, but there is a measure of satisfying yet bitter revenge.

Well, someone back in the late 80's thought it would be a good idea to cast Arnold Schwarzanegger in a movie that shares the story's title and basic premise, but not a whole lot else. In fact, "The Running Man" movie pretty much takes whatever's good about the story and eliminates that, and replaces it with lowbrow action. But that didn't stop me from wasting two hours of my morning, and so I sat down to watch the movie in full, and now I share my thoughts with you.

As I said the movie does have a few things in common with the short story. For one, the movie is set in a dystopian future. Or, perhaps I should say it's set in a dystopian alternative 80's (one might argue that the 80's were already dystopian in their own right, but imagine an alternative 80's that's even more screwed up.) You know how you watch movies set in the future that are made during certain decades and you think "Oh hah, that's what people in the 70's think people 100 years from now will be like" and it's basically people in slightly different bell-bottoms with bigger and wavier haircuts? Well, it would be a stretch to say that "The Running Man" is even set in the future, the movie is so dominated by 80's chic. For one, there's the awful electronic drum machine piece that opens the game show in the movie, accompanied by awfully clad unitard dancers in clunky heels with big fritzy hair doing dances that MC Hammer might have choreographed. Second, there's the manly cut dresses with big shoulder pads on the women, each of whom is wearing giant geometrically shaped earrings. Then there's the extremely cheesy guitar-inspired soaring love song that runs during the credits...think Kenny Loggins "Meet Me Halfway" but worse, and you'll know where I'm coming from.

The movie also changes how the game works. In the short story, the running man is literally set loose upon society, with little to no restriction on his movement, though an entire nation knows his face and is looking for him, along with the authorities and "hunters" for the show who chase him down. Well, I guess filming the entire country would be a little expensive, so the movie confines the game to an earthquake destroyed zone in Los Angeles, though really it's just a series of poorly put together movie sets. But hey, a budget is a budget. The really big change has to do with the hunters, who in the movie are transformed into "stalkers" (does that sound worse, or better?) who are crazily costumed and designed more along the lines of pro-wrestlers. See "Professor" Toru Tanaka above, better known as "Sub Zero", who looks like a sumo wrestler,goes out armored as the least mobile of all hockey players on the ice, and decapitates his enemies with a razor sharp hockey stick. Then there's this lovely fellow:



This is "dynamo", a big chubby white guy clad in lite-brite armor who enjoys zapping his enemies with his lightening gun while singing opera. Can you imagine how he meets his end?
If you think it has something to do with the error of judgment of wearing electrified armor in a building with sprinklers, you might be onto something.

Then there's "Buzzsaw" (guess what his weapon is) and Fireball (guess what his weapon is and guess how both die) and lastly, Richard Dawson of Family Feud fame who's the game show host and central villain, who actually comes off pretty well as a villain probably due in no small part to what decades of Family Feud did to his mind.

Of course no action movie can end with the death of the hero immolating himself to gain revenge on his enemy, so our hero Arnie saves the day with the help of resistence fighters who look like they wandered off the set of "The Warriors" (also a movie I'm going to review at some point), threw on some camo and got down to business. Though the movie ends with them capturing the game show stage, I suppose they went on to the bigger and messier business of liberating dystopic alternative 80's America from bad TV in general, or perhaps Richard Dawson was really the emporer of America and the whole system collapsed like a stack of cards upon his death. By the end, you really don't care, and I found myself wishing that they'd stick Arnie in the death zone again only this time actually kill him so he'll stop saying things like "I'll be back" and "Need a light?" when he sets Fireball on fire.

So that in a nutshell is "The Running Man." I'd say I was disappointed, but that would imply that I was expecting something of it. Let's just say it was better then spending two hours watching reruns of "Charmed", and that's saying something.

Oh wait...

I do have one thing. Can we get some fresh blood in here at Horadrim? What with the high turnover rate among IPL employees due to the harsh working conditions, and the high turnover rate of friends of Horadrim bloggers due to their fickle and narcissistic natures, surely there are some more people out there we could drag into this whirlpool of tastelessness and low humor, right? Not that I'm complaining about who we've got now that is. Just you know, the more the merrier and all that.

Dear God...it's Xanthippas

Man, we are dead. So totally dead here. Somebody please write something. I don't care if it's about feces, or flies, or retards or scary clowns. Please. I would but I've seen nothing funny in two weeks. Nothing. Nada.