Cuc-erbation

You guys can thank Daniel for this one. It's from Walmartsucks.com forums:
My wife works o/n and her shift was almost over, she was cutting through layaway, when LP stopped her.

LP explained, that they had been watching this one lady acting a little funny.

LP had been following her all around GM and the grocery side of the store, for the last hour and a half.

They just KNEW she was up to something !!!

LP told my wife that the woman had filled her cart with merchandise and groceries, then took it to layaway, asked the associte there to watch her cart, picked up a plastic bag and disappear into the bathroom.

Since the LP was a man, he asked my wife to go into the bathroom and see what the lady was doing.

My wife told him "no problem" and went into the bathroom, like she had to take a piss.

She walked down the row of stalls and next to the last stall, the woman was sitting on the toilet, her moo-moo pulled up over her breasts and she was going to town with a cucumber.

My wife said the woman was moaning and grunting away like a wild animal.

My wife left the bathroom, but quick, told LP what was going on and she wasn't sticking around.

LP looked at my wife and told her "I'm outa here."

They walked to the front of the store and hung around the cash registers.

The woman came up in about 10 minutes, put her stuff on the belt and stood there waiting for the girl to ring her stuff up.

LP and my wife watched every item being scanned.

No cucumber !!!!!

As she left the store my wife turned to LP and asked him if he was going to "GET HER".

LP replied:

"They don't pay me enough to do body searchs" and walked away.

You have to get a mental picture of this. My wife told me that this cow weighed 300+ pounds, straggly hair that hadn't been washed in months and she reeked to high hell.

How much would WM have to pay you to search for that cucumber ??????????