Let it Glide with Pride...

In my normal spam array, I picked up two particularly unusual emails:

One had the following phrase:

"here's the lube you need
let it glide with pride
[I forgot this line]
[something about a ride]"

and the next email, in the same font and style, was for vagina tightening cream

He's too sexy for Item #ZWA-604

For those of you who may not be familiar with Cheaper than Dirt, it's a gun/sporting goods store in Fort Worth that does extensive catalog business. However, unlike some catalogs with regular inventories, they appear to have an in-house photography shop that produces ads for items as they come in. I was thumbing through their catalog this morning when it struck me that this one person is in an abnormal amount of the pictures. In fact, he is featured on at least 15 of the 70 pages, advertising everything from web gear to gas masks to foil emergency blankets. What is it about CTD man that appeals to the catalog-makers??

Gosh, this rain smells funny!

WTF????

Where is everybody? Nobody's had anything to offer since my lame post from Tuesday? Somebody get on with it! Blog!!

Musical Analysis Critique, Section 1

So I was randomly surfing blogs(trying to avoid working on Contracts)and found this.

#11- We'll be wrapped around each other's fingers.

"Wrapped around your Finger" is one song by the Police that does not fit in any of their stereotypical categories, suggesting that Sting's flair lies far beyond the frame of the band. I had no clue what the title meant when I first saw it, and with the wide age chasm now it seems that the only The Police's song being remembered is "Every Breath You Take." With my strong admiration for Sting, I decided to give the song a try.The fashion of the song's beginning is unique, with multi-layered instrumentation of the guitar, the bass, and an unknown clear sounded one leading to Sting's poignant, restrained vocals. Without reading its lyrics you are still able to foretell the intensity of emotion because the message Sting's voice sends is quite conspicuous- anger and desperate desire to win someone over. Starting from the third verse, the instrument playing alters with the viewpoint of the lyrics. In the end, Sting was determined that he would turn the tables of someone else's dominance.The lyrics to the song are full of literary allusions, making it a bit challenging to interpret. After reading the guides, I was amazed at Sting's literary brilliance as well as his musical and psychological insight based on his personal experience.Whether you are a Sting fan or not, this song is a must-listen, which will even enrich your knowledge that has yet been taught in college. (i.e. Sting sings, "I have only come here seeking knowledge, things they would not teach me all in college.")

This is an example of the kind of musical "analysis" of pop songs that I hate. If this gal isn't writing descriptions of EPs for BMG advertising inserts, she will be soon. I'm just wondering if she's thinking that another one of Sting's literary allusions, specifically the line "that book by Nabokov", is similarly brilliant.

Okay, I'm done.

Look, David! They fixed the sign at Stonehenge.

Here's peering at you!

I'll peer at you through a pot with a painting of an English pig upon it!

"Bend over to the front and touch your toes..."

I was quite surprised to find this in Salisbury Cathedral, a house of the Lord dating back to the 13th century.

I gotcha again!

Schwarzenegger outlaws sex with corpses

Schwarzenegger outlaws sex with corpses
Fri Sep 10, 6:28 PM ET
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Having sex with corpses is now officially illegal in California after Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (news - web sites) signed a bill barring necrophilia, a spokeswoman says.
Reuters Photo

The new legislation marks the culmination of a two-year drive to outlaw necrophilia in the state and will help prosecutors who have been stymied by the lack of an official ban on the practice, according to experts.
"Nobody knows the full extent of the problem. ... But a handful of instances over the past decade is frequent enough to have a bill concerning it," said Tyler Ochoa, a professor at Santa Clara University School of Law who has studied California cases involving allegations of necrophilia.
"Prosecutors didn't have anything to charge these people with other than breaking and entering. But if they worked in a mortuary in the first place, prosecutors couldn't even charge them with that," Ochoa said on Friday.
The state's first attempt to outlaw necrophilia, in response to a case of a man charged with having sex with the corpse of a 4-year-old girl in Southern California, stalled last year in a legislative committee.
Lawmakers revived the bill this year after an unsuccessful prosecution of a man found in a San Francisco funeral home drunk and passed out on top of an elderly woman's corpse.
The new law makes sex with a corpse a felony punishable by up to eight years in prison.

Not bad for a dollar

My brother-in-law has a mighty pile of counterfeit DVDs from China, many of which are hilariously mistyped or have copy from the wrong films. For example:

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back: The story discribes the second princess of insurre ction of a faraway and intergalactic- empire occurrence li. under two robots the R2-D2. C-3P0 and days the line the road gra, with the HOSOLO. The etcwarrior help by luck breakout of and lead to bravehy resist the sodier the scheme to take back the lost king dom.

Moulin Rouge: The France Paris of 19 end of the century, is one the order own to be heat on in arts the man yearns for the illusion all. Ke Lisi di An is the poet of youth, in order to seek oneself the own hope, arrives alone leave not open alcoholic drink this whole day, and takes addictive drugs and Kang Kang the place waving.

Lord of the Rings: This one is the king, though. It claims to star Tim Curry and Mia Sara, and has a picture of Tom Cruise superimposed over the regular Lord of the Rings cast members. Apparently it is just the movie Legend when you watch it.

So, we walked into Trafalgar Square in London, only to see an abnormal amount of police cars and such all up in the place. I was able to trace the focus of the commotion to this garbage truck, which went up onto the sidewalk and smashed into the fence-barricade, knocking the concrete balustrade down onto the benches below, where people may, in fact, have been standing at the time. The stench from the garbage was quite appalling and the Japanese were snapping photos merrily.

John! You asked for it!

Oh, it's on now! I've got a 5000+ mile peer for you.

Lube job while you wait, guvna?

Well, folks, I'm here at my Sister's in jolly old England for a week, so expect to see some unusual pictures pretty soon.

The 100th post is MINE! ALL MINE!

I claim this post in the name of Spain! No, wait, that's something else. Ok, let me bring you all up to speed. I now have a phone that you can actually reach me at (when I answer, that is). We have Alex and his wife to thank for that.

Also, it looks like my reign of terror at IPL is coming to a close. Driving here has become too expensive for a mere part-time job. Once upon a time I dreamed of making good money here; alas, that dream has come to nought. Chris, Kristina, and Amanda are convinced this is due to the connivances of unsavory NL characters, but regardless, I'm screwed. Now that I have no chance for promotion in anything like the near future, I must seek my fortune elsewhere. However, Chris did suggest that when my position becomes vacant, John should try to gain it. We're assuming the NL people won't want to step down to a part-time job. I think this is a fine idea as John will be working back at Central, his home library.

So, I'm taking suggestions for what line of work I should move into. Hit me!

How embarassing!

BERLIN (Reuters) - A man caught having sex with a blow-up doll in a busy public shopping arcade had to be physically parted from his rubber lover and escorted away, said police in Stuttgart Wednesday.

The 38-year-old man was caught with his trousers down early Monday evening after alarmed witnesses alerted the police.
"It was real, he was caught in mid-action with the doll," said a press spokeswoman. Police said that they had considerable difficulty separating the drunken man from his partner.

I'm transfering!

A Star Wars acedemy that teaches about the religion of the Jedi, use of the light sabre and speaking in Wookiee has opened its doors in Romania.
Adrian Pavel, who runs the country's Star Wars Club, decided to found the Jedi Academy after getting so many questions from fellow fans on how they can be more like their heroes in the Star Wars films.
He told local daily Libertatea: "We have meetings and lectures, and we dress like Jedis, but this is no longer enough. We'll soon learn how to handle the light sabres in academy classes.
"The academy is open to everybody. There is a quiz with 100 questions that will cover even the darkest aspects of the Star Wars phenomenon that needs to be done in 24 hours. Anyone who passes quiz will have a place in the Jedi Academy."
The academy is also offering special modules for true devotees, like cooking some of the dishes seen in the Star Wars films including Wookiee Cookies, Princess Leia Danish donughts, Sand Trooper sandwiches and Twin Sun toasts.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1086432.html?menu=news.quirkies