How else to bring in the New Year...

than with some Goatse!

http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images?_adv_prop=images&fr=FP-tab-web-t&va=goatse&vf=all

I want to see the pic of the large man-made goatse, but the big version is not there.

What's Wrong with this picture?

Other than the dead body.

Forget Social Security, privatize the clouds!

Crazy Russians!

"A Russian lawyer made his contribution to helping the environment when he announced his privatization of all the clouds in the sky this week.

'As derelict natural resources originating on Earth, not belonging at this point to any government or person, are my property,' he declared in the document, which he is sending out to the governments of 150 countries."

This is just funny:

'But while privatization is often associated in Russia with shady schemes to make off with as much as possible before the next strongman takes it away from you, Osipov has privatized the clouds with more noble intentions. He will use his property rights to sue anybody who pollutes the atmosphere.'

Yellow Snow

For all those who wish make yellow snow.... Enjoy:

http://www.panlogic.net/yellowsnow/peeindex.html

Star Wars Kid? Is that you?

http://oc3.org/videos/crispy.wmv

Whoa, I got gas!

Wait, wait, that's not what I mean. Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I saw regular unleaded for $1.59. I hope gas prices keep cruising down.

Alex strikes again!

Fun with Google Image Searching

Daniel and I found out that if you search for "gun" in an unrestricted Google image search, you get some interesting pictures. Give it a shot. I dare you.

Hey John, and other students of the Bible...

Now most conventional Christian churches teach that not only is sex out of wedlock wrong, but that so is masturbation. But what about putting balls in your stretched ass like Goatse? Is taking sexual gratification in other ways that do not involve the genital areas a sin? Has this been addressed? If not, it needs to be.

A Message to "Saliva"

Have you ever heard the Saliva song in which the chorus says "a message to your enemies: never fuck with one who's had to fight for bein' free." This line has always grated on my nerves...how many times has Saliva had to fight for their freedom? My guess would be any multiple of zero.

Bad Tech Support

Check this out.

www.compfused.com/directlink/380/

Alex's School in D.C

For those of you who don't know the whole scoop....Alex is attending law school in D.C. ... or so he says. I placed numerous calls to all sorts of institutions out there, and none seemed to have a student registered under is name. Finally, i found the right school. Interestingly enough, it looks like a very decent school.

what did he eat?

Blog Worthy

This site actually does what Horagrim claims to do. Of course, they don't update as often as they use to and they don't talk about CRAP....but it's still useful to look into a day at a library:

http://refgrunt.blogspot.com/

Christmas Break for Bowels

You know, ever since the semester ended I've been defecating quite more often that I had before. I haven't been eating more though, just crapping more. I don't mean minor waste either, I mean a decent sized deuce. And on top of this, the corn ratio is higher than I would expect considering that I haven't eaten corn in months. So my theory is that now that the stress of the semester is over, that old impacted feces is finally sliding its way out of my colon and down the sewer pipes (or in the Central Bookdrop from time to time).

Why we shouldn't have stopped at Nagasaki...

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/041215/photos_od/mdf795226
http://i.somethingawful.com/hentai/kango2/pitshaving.jpg

http://i.somethingawful.com/hentai/kango2/ghostpussy.jpg

Hey seamus!

Let's get one of them counters and some keywords like the three wise men have on their page.

I'm on the net!

Yes! I got my DSL set up down in this rat-hole, finally! That means I'm no longer restricted to being on the internet after 8pm on Tuesday and Thursday nights!

KBTX | Student Accused Of Eating a Roll Call List After Cutting In Line To Get Cotton Bowl Tickets

KBTX | Student Accused Of Eating a Roll Call List After Cutting In Line To Get Cotton Bowl Tickets

Bible approved?

Ever worry if your evening attire is Bible-worthy? Well this website answers all your questions. Before you put on your wonder bra or bondage gear, just ask: Would the Lord approve?

Bible Clothing

The rest of the website is really weird. I think it's a joke, but can't really tell.

For the less strong at heart

I doubt that interview with goatse man is with the REAL goatse man, but the pictures certaqinyl were horrifying. If you'd rather read one that's clearly satirical, check this out

http://www.fc-uk.org.uk/goatse/

NO PICTURES

For the strong of heart...

I finally found the Goatse interview again, and this time it comes with pictures...

Cuc-erbation

You guys can thank Daniel for this one. It's from Walmartsucks.com forums:
My wife works o/n and her shift was almost over, she was cutting through layaway, when LP stopped her.

LP explained, that they had been watching this one lady acting a little funny.

LP had been following her all around GM and the grocery side of the store, for the last hour and a half.

They just KNEW she was up to something !!!

LP told my wife that the woman had filled her cart with merchandise and groceries, then took it to layaway, asked the associte there to watch her cart, picked up a plastic bag and disappear into the bathroom.

Since the LP was a man, he asked my wife to go into the bathroom and see what the lady was doing.

My wife told him "no problem" and went into the bathroom, like she had to take a piss.

She walked down the row of stalls and next to the last stall, the woman was sitting on the toilet, her moo-moo pulled up over her breasts and she was going to town with a cucumber.

My wife said the woman was moaning and grunting away like a wild animal.

My wife left the bathroom, but quick, told LP what was going on and she wasn't sticking around.

LP looked at my wife and told her "I'm outa here."

They walked to the front of the store and hung around the cash registers.

The woman came up in about 10 minutes, put her stuff on the belt and stood there waiting for the girl to ring her stuff up.

LP and my wife watched every item being scanned.

No cucumber !!!!!

As she left the store my wife turned to LP and asked him if he was going to "GET HER".

LP replied:

"They don't pay me enough to do body searchs" and walked away.

You have to get a mental picture of this. My wife told me that this cow weighed 300+ pounds, straggly hair that hadn't been washed in months and she reeked to high hell.

How much would WM have to pay you to search for that cucumber ??????????

Ass-plosions

Adam's post about all the toilets being stained reminded me a time the Irving AMC 8 was hit pretty hard with an ass-plosion that I think Jason and perhaps Daniel were privy to as well. None of us caused it, but we witnessed the horror, and it got us thinking: "what is it about movie theaters that causes such bowel stress?" We ended up going with the theory that sitting down for two hours while movie concessions brew in your bowels is the main cause.

I wonder what the rest of you think. What places, or situations, cause the worst bowel movements? Or what places are consistently hit with destroyed restrooms? And why do you think this happens?

I'M BACK BITCHES!!!!!

like it says in the title, I'M BACK BITCHES. Also, I'M RITCH, BIATCH!!!!!

Awful link

This was Something Awful's awful link of the day today. Don't go unless you want to see a woman drinking a tasty drink out of a "cocktube."

http://www.cockolada.de/

Challenges

Alright...I've challenged Chris in an earlier post. I will now challenge Daniel to a game of Windows XP wit. On go to the Learning tab on the left, then find the Skills Assessment link. There are two Windows XP skills assessments, I took the second one on the list. I got an 83% the first time and a 90% the second time. I challenge thee!

PS: Practice tests are fair game. Lets see how far this challenge can go...

Klingons!

This is what showgirls really look like...

Penises and Scrotums in Danger!

Young men are warned about laptop risk
Heat could damage fertility, researcher says

Updated: 3:21 p.m. ET Dec. 9, 2004

LONDON - Teenagers and young men should keep their laptops off their laps because they could damage fertility, an expert said on Thursday.

Laptops, which reach high internal operating temperatures, can heat up the scrotum which could affect the quality and quantity of men’s sperm.

“The increase in scrotal temperature is significant enough to cause changes in sperm parameters,” said Dr Yefim Sheynkin, an associate professor of urology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook.

‘Long-term use may have a detrimental effect on their reproductive health.’

— Dr. Yefim Sheynkin
Urologist, State University of New York at Stony Brook

“It is very difficult to predict how long the computer can be used safely,” he told Reuters. “It may not be at all, if the testicular temperature goes up high within a very short period of time.”

Adolescents and young men who use laptops several times a day over many years face the greatest risk. Sheynkin fears that if laptop use is not curtailed, in 15-20 years when they want to start a family the men could face problems.

“Long-term use may have a detrimental effect on their reproductive health,” he said.

Beware laptop burn
Sheynkin and his team studied the impact of using a laptop on 29 healthy volunteers between the age of 21-35 by measuring scrotal temperature before and after they used a computer on their lap.

• Laptops and male fertility

Dec. 9: A new study suggests men interested in starting a family should step away from their laptops.

The research is reported in the journal Human Reproduction.

Even without turning the laptop on, the scrotal temperature rose by 2.1 degrees Centigrade when the young men sat with their thighs together to balance the computer on their lap.

When they switched it on the temperature rose -- by 2.8 degrees C on the right side and 2.6 degrees C on the left.

“It shows that scrotal hyperthermia is produced by both special body posture and the local heating effect of laptop computers,” Sheynkin said.

A serious case of laptop burn was reported in a letter published in a medical journal two years ago after a 50-year-old man burned his penis while using a laptop balanced on his legs for an hour, despite wearing trousers and underpants.

The researchers used two different brands of computers in the study.

“All laptop computers generate significant heat due to the increasing power requirements of computer chips. New laptops with higher power requirements may produce even more heat,” Sheynkin added.

Pannido?!?!?

Umm...

Is this the end?

So I was driving home from work today, when suddenly my car stopped accelerrating on Hwy 114. I pulled over and glanced at my fuel meter. The needle was sitting on the very end of the red "E." So my mom brings me a couple gallons of gas which spill all over my hands as I try to shove the flimsy spout into the vehicle. In fact, my hands still have that gasoline smell. I try to start up the 14 year-old machine, and the engine sputters and makes a popping noise. It won't budge an inch.

The only good thing was that the USAA towing guy got there in like 15 minutes and knew exactly which service station to tow it to.

So I wonder...has the Taurus driven its last mile?

Tomorrow I hear the diagnosis.

Road Trippery

I've scanned most of the Road Trip pics and I have them ready to post. I'll put them up a few at a time so as not to overwhelm the blog page and all that. I know they're not great quality, the scanner I used isn't that great.

Next up... Pannido...?!

About to Breach!

Warp Core Breach and a SmorgasBorg! I'm sure David can relate to this moment...

Action Man sparks sea rescue

The Action Man was recovered and taken ashore



An Action Man sparked a major rescue operation after it was mistaken for a parachutist landing in the sea.
Coastguards were called after 999 calls reported seeing a sky diver fall into the sea a quarter of a mile out to sea off Hastings, East Sussex, on Sunday.
Lifeboat crews found the "parachutist" floating in the water and discovered it was a toy tied to some helium balloons.
A coastguard spokesman said a child must have tied the figure to the balloons and it had drifted off.
'Small silhouette'
He said: "The Action Man was recovered and taken ashore.
"He is with Hastings Coastguard and is being well looked after."
"The wind brought it along - it could have come from miles inland.
"The two people that saw it probably reported it because it was like a small silhouette and looked like it was much further away than it actually was."
The toy was seen falling into the sea about a half-mile from Hastings Pier towards St Leonards.

Cheese -vs- Beans

Beans give you gas, as everyone here i'm sure knows, and Cheese (know to cause constipation) plugs you up.

After two burritos I don't know if am going to fart or explode.

Why do they even make a Bean & Cheese Burrito?

Oh shit! Morpheus was right! And he's white!

www.davidicke.com

Look at the book called "Tales from the time loop"

Oh shit!

So when I got up to take a piss this morning I found that every toilet in there had been stained something awful. Not quite Desperado bad because the walls were okay (I think), but the toilets were just destroyed. I believe this too awful not to have been a planned staining.

Oh shit! My kitchen!

The ceiling's a'leakin!

Jason pushin' slots like weight

Slotting!

You better not pout, you better not cry...

Pictures of the Road Trip are coming soon. They have been developed and are simply in need of a good scanning!

Came up with a new word

Retard. No, not retard, but like retort only it's a retard. Yeah.

Hey Nate, remember that time we were at IHOP and you cut your pancakes into triangles, colored them with syrup, and made them up to be a radioactive sign? That was crazy.

Exploding Targets

Tannerite Explosives Corp. - Commercial Explosives

OK guys, why are we just finding out about this?