Alex shouldn't have any problem with this picture!

Nope. Nothing unusual about this picture. It's not goatse related or anything.

Man Living in Cave on Los Alamos Lab Land

Check this out:

"Authorities have evicted a man from a cave on Los Alamos National Laboratory land where they say he apparently lived for years with the comforts of home — a wood-burning stove, solar panels connected to car batteries for electricity and a satellite radio."

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=817&e=3&u=/ap/cave_hermit

Greatest. Movie. Line. Ever

"Legs in the air, like a woman in need."

This is said not once, but twice, in some stupid Russian scifi movie Kristina had about pyramids and shit.

Greatest. Movie. Scene. Ever.

Dolemite: I knight thee Dolemite Jr. If people don't know by now, they soon will know, that you are the baddest son of a bitch in town. Now that that's been said, sit back and enjoy your riches, 'cause tonight we got us two bad ass white bitches. I can dig it!

(Knock on door)

Dolemite: Who dat is?

Sheriff: It's the Sheriff. We know you in there with them white girls. All we want is the cane.

Dolemite: They want the cane cause it's got the power to get them tricks. And they mad at us, because they women want our big black ---

Sheriff (busting in): I finally got your black ass! And this time... (gasp) Oh my god, Jenny!

Jenny: Hi, daddy.

Dolemite: That's right, Sheriff. I had your sweet daughter, last night I had your wife, and now it's me you want to slaughter.

Operation Splatterhouse

Alright guys, here's a plan for us to implement:

Nathan and I came up with this plan today and I think we need to give it a try. The objective is to completely destroy the restroom(s) in a particular place in unison. The more people we have the better, we can destroy several commodes at once. Here was our strategy:

1.) Take something like Immodium AD to keep your food from passing through you too quickly. Do this for two or three days and you should have quite a "crap on deck". The idea is not to defecate for at least a day or two.
2.) Day 3(or 4): Starting around 11am start hitting the buffets. Mexican (Panchos), Pizza, and Chinese consecutively. "Let it brew" - in Nathan's own words.
3.) Then, probably around 1 or 2, we arrive at the scene and take a healthy dose of your standard laxative. The ensuing expulsion should be one to remember, although you may not want to. The more restrooms we can simultaneously seize in this way the better.

Let's plan a day and pull this off.

Happy Halloween Guys

http://sam.zoy.org/fun/goatse/pumpkin.jpg
Don't worry, it's not real goatse, and extremely funny. I had to just put a link here because my Hello isn't working for some reason.

Screams and Safe Sex

Nate, Kristina, and I went to the Screams Halloween Park on Saturday. It was quite fun. Those are probably the best haunted houses I've been to. The best one was a maze with a bunch of crazed hillbillies inside. The funny thing was though that it took us so long to get out, the people inside started to make fun of us. One guy actually told us how to get out. Then as we left, another pointed to Kristina and said "This woman been in here for 45 minutes!" It wasn't that long, but I nearly *died* laughing.

Last night, I went to a "safer sex party" on campus. It was university sponspored, so no alchohal or anything. It was kind of amusing. There were naked man/woman cakes, a dildo ringtoss, pin the condom on the dildo, phallic cookies, and bad kereoke. Alas, I didn't get a chance to use the many condoms and lube I picked up, but there was food. Anyway, then I left I smoked some herbs this gay guy sells out of a van on the street.

What did you guys do?

Funny

Nathan told me that last night while I was sleeping I yelled out the following:

"Ah, shit! Ahhhhhhh....."

Apparently, this is not the first time!

Traitor!

How dare he use my sacred name to propagate such terrible blasphemies!

To: webmaster
Subject: for the LOVE of mercy!!
From: "Whitey Ford"
Date: Fri, 10 Sep 2004 14:51:19 -0400
Please, oh PLEASE, for the love of all that is good and holy...stop posting hi-res images of these nubile young women! It is an irresistable draw, causes much wasting-of-time and much procrastination-of-work. If you continue along this path of wretched display of young womanflesh, I am just going to have to keep visiting your site and consuming mass quantities of bandwidth.

+ whiteyford +

TV Emits Distress Signal, Triggers Search

This is awesome.

TV Emits Distress Signal, Triggers Search
1 hour, 21 minutes ago

Oddly Enough - Reuters
EUGENE, Oregon (Reuters) - TV hardly gets much better than this.

An Oregon man discovered earlier this month that his year-old Toshiba Corp. flat-screen TV was emitting an international distress signal picked up by a satellite, leading a search and rescue operation to his apartment in Corvallis, Oregon, 70 miles south of Portland.
The signal from Chris van Rossmann's TV was routed by satellite to the Air Force Rescue Center at Langley Air Base in Virginia.
On Oct. 2, the 20 year-old college student was visited at his apartment in the small university town by a contingent of local police, civil air patrol and search and rescue personnel.
"They'd never seen signal come that strong from a home appliance," said van Rossmann. "They were quite surprised. I think we all were."
Authorities had expected to find a boat or small plane with a malfunctioning transponder, the usual culprit in such incidents, emitting the 121.5 MHz frequency of the distress signal used internationally.
Van Rossmann said he was told to keep his TV off to avoid paying a $10,000 fine for "willingly broadcasting a false distress signal."
Toshiba contacted Rossmann and offered to provide him with a replacement set for free, he said.

Horadrimite Sighted!

"General" Nat-Wu prepares to fend off yet another Clan incursion

There's really no reason for this post other than to
show off what I think is a mildly amusing picture, of
Nat-Wu leading his tabletop troops into battle.
I directed the clan "incursion", and as usual got my ass
handed to me. But it's really not my fault, and I gave as
good as I got, except I couldn't quite pull it off in the end.

This would get Americans into soccer

It sucks they lost though.

Prostitutes' Soccer Team Loses to Cops

Oddly Enough - Reuters
GUATEMALA CITY (Reuters) - A soccer team made up of Guatemalan prostitutes, formed to call attention to their poor working conditions, lost 3-1 to policewomen on Saturday.

The women get paid as little as $2.50 for sex and complain of frequent police harassment, despite their profession being legal and widespread in Guatemala.
"We get much more attention from the public now our faces are known; people come up and congratulate us and tell us to keep up the good work," said Valeria, 27, who scored the prostitutes' goal on Saturday.
"It's good to feel the power of being united; when we work, we are more isolated in our rooms," said defender Beatriz, 37.
The prostitutes, the Stars of the Tracks, were kicked out of an elite amateur league last month because of allegations that their fans used profanity.

Assault Weapon?

Think the ban, if it comes back, would affect this gun?

Schillervision

Imagine that you're at a restaurant, enjoying a nice dinner with your girl. You order some regular coffe and the waiter brings it out. You're enjoying your coffee and the waiter walks up to you and says "sir are you aware that you're drinking Columbian decaf coffee crystals?"

What is the proper reaction to this?

Flagse?

Does this remind you of anything?


So I did a short websearch for "goatse", just to see what was out there, and I found
this picture which bears a remarkable similarity to the notorious picture. This isn't fake; this is a real cover to Time magazine, which I found here. Strangely enough, when I searched for goatse, that link actually came up as one of the first few results on google, despite that fact that nowhere on the webpage can you actually find the term "goatse"(if someone can explain how that works, I'd be much obliged.) Oh, and I found this little bit on snopes.com that talks about this picture and another picture you'll easily recognize from this blog. Anyway, goatse lives on.

Bathroom Humor

Though no less crude than usual, I though this bathroom wall writing I saw was funnier than usual:

"Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks."

Horadrim Slackers

We have several so-called "contributors" that have never contributed a single post including Hipster and The SARS and several who have only posted a few times such as coolwater, "Mildred," and Feels Like Nine.

Alright, now that I've exposed you slackers for what you are, get to it.

Action of the Day

10/15
While sitting at my desk today i noticed one of the lights over the checkout desk flickering. I watched it for a few moments. The light then went out. And thus, i quit watching.

Men of the Mask

You do NOT want to take these girls home to mom

For me, few things are as exciting as finding an interesting website online. Like, oh, this gem. Apparantly for some cross-dressers it's insufficient to just dress up as women. It seems they don't feel complete with out a little help in the form of a poorly designed and highly disturbing rubber mask. This "lady" has a lot of "friends", so feel free to browse through the site and see some of their handiwork. Ironically, the better make masks are actually MORE disturbing.

O.E.S.

Though it's not the clearest, it is a start. Here's the first Blogged Mutant Patron. He is known as "The One Eyed Sneezer"

Ph33r the lug!

Kwa Pi Sur Pi Ni Ku

Who can correct this statement so as not to get electrocuted in Japanese game-show?

Y weren't you paying attention to the movie tambien?

I saw a video on MTV Hits this morning by some teenybopper named Jesse McCartney--I don't recall the title. However, it did have incredible similarities to the movie Y tu mama tambien: two guys and a girl on a road trip in the wilderness; a stop at a desolate motel and a swim in a leaf-filled pool; a trip to the beach. However, I seem to recall a lot of the "romance" of the movie featuring the two dudes, whereas it was the singer and the chick in the music video. I wonder what made somebody screen that movie and wonder "if we took out the bi-curiousity, that would make a damn fine video!"

New Guy

I'm the new guy in town. For those of you who don't know me...you may call me cbiggie. Rock On.

Damn them balls is good!

Spam of the Day

SUBJECT LINE: Loosing virginity with own father

BODY TEXT:

Hello vermont

40-18 is the unique and exclusive site about dad and daughter incestuous relatioship. Looking for sweet ripe daughters getting fucked by their horny old dads? Or wanna see sexy naughty girls seducing their own fathers? You've come to the right place.
Come inside and see innocent daughters and their pervert dads in
full action on videos and in real incest photos
Fresh horny sluts were never that easy before.
Enter and see them used hard
http://gegoot.com/1/?id=50600
sincerely
Leticia Dupree
Affiliate Manager

RESPONSE: I don't know who vermont is, or why they think he uses my email address, but he's one sick $*&#

Da-ding..da ding da ding da ding ding ding...

Mr. T says "I pity the fool who gets pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis from Mt. St. Helens. When the big mama blows, cover up your nose!"

Good advice from a modern sage.

Perhaps Arby's Guy's actual mold problem, wheezing, and Oxygen tank are related to this disease. Maybe if we cured Arby's Guy we could reduce our mutant level alert. The One-Eyed Sneezer, Suspenders Guy (who seems to have an 'outy" belly button about the size of an eggplant), Tax Lady, Hairy-Leg Lady, Mutant Lady, and such keep our alert level consistently too high.

Throw down!

Xanthippas and "Adam" flashing their signs and reprasentin' for da Wise Men



Horadrim contributor "Adam" brought to my attention the fact that my blog "Three Wise Men"(co-blogged by "Adam" and Nat-Wu) has surpassed "The Horadrim" in total posts. While normally this would be a cause for celebration, I can only lament that The Horadrim has fallen so far from our days of glory in July and August, when we averaged as many posts a day as we do in a week now. I've decided it's time to turn things around....so I'm throwing down a challenge to all you Horadrimites out there! The world is a funny place! The libraries are still crazy! Our lives are sadly and pathetically funny! I haven't posted about DC's fat cops yet! There's the dismembering of male genitalia all around us! So get to it! BLOG!!!

Man cuts off Penis. Vol. II

After much deliberation and theory I think that I (with some participation from Chris) have narrowed the possible scenarios of this man's doings to four possible explanations.

As you can see in my comment to the first post in this matter, I think this person is lying. His explanation is clearly fallacious. The sheer mechanics disallow it; how can he cut off his own penis while trying to cut a chicken's neck? Regardless of how one takes a cutting instrument to the groin, you would have to hold the penis outsretched it order to sever it from the body, and it would most likely take some effort instead of an accidental swipe of a blade. This begs the question: why was this man's penis exposed?! Even if he was holding the chicken's neck between his legs, his penis would be above the neck of the chicken and clearly in the way...it would be obvious that one was cutting through one's own exposed penis. Then we have the obvious problem, what feather-covered chicken neck even resembles a penis? It would be blatantly obvious to anyone that the penis was being cut rather than the neck of a chicken.

Explanation 1: Man is raping chicken (thereby having a chicken in his naked crotch, this explains the exposed penis). Someone catches him and he claims that he was trying to kill the chicken. Instead of leaving it at that, and since he is probably now in love with the bird, he cuts off his own penis to create "evidence" that he was in fact trying to cut the chicken's neck and merely had an accident. Since he cut the penis, it is clearly evident that his crime was sexual in nature, otherwise he would have cut his arm or leg and never have considered cutting his genitals.

So, moving on... Chris did (through some googling) discover that a featherless chicken does exist, with a somewhat penis-resembling neck. See the following image:

However, I still claim that this particular chicken (which is from Israel) is not the one the man claims to have tried to kill.

A more likely scenario: (NEW EXPLANATION) I think the key to the whole story is the dog that apparently ate the penis immediately upon its removal from the body. In fact, I think there was no chicken when this man's penis was cut. The man was raping a dog, or was exposing his penis to a dog to have some sort of sexual relations with it. The dog bites this man's penis, removing most of it, and severely injures it. (Clearly explaining how his penis was immediately gobbled up by a dog). The man then probably runs outside screaming, and later blames all this on a chicken and simply claims the dog ate his penis once it was cut off.

Or I guess he could be telling the truth...but I think that is highly unlikely.

Man Pours Gas Down Toilet, Causing Blast

Man Pours Gas Down Toilet, Causing Blast
1 hour, 40 minutes ago

Strange News - AP
SALT LAKE CITY - If you can't stand the heat, don't pour gasoline down the toilet. An apartment tenant made that $75,000 mistake Tuesday.

The man came home for lunch and found gas leaking from the tank of his car. He caught the gas, and decided to dispose of it by dumping it down the toilet.
But the pilot light of a water heater ignited the fumes, causing a small explosion. The blast destroyed the porcelain toilet, and the intense heat from the flames melted the remaining pieces.
The man and three other people were able to get out of the home before the fire spread.
Officials said gasoline and kerosene should never be poured into the drain or toilet or sewer system.

Sound Princess

When Naoko Ito uses a public bathroom, she cringes in embarrassment at the thought that other patrons can hear the sounds coming from her stall. That's when she turns to the "Sound Princess."

Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It

Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It
2 hours, 22 minutes ago

Oddly Enough - Reuters
BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.

It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.
"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.

OMFG

So it's a Saturday night, and I'm at home punching "orchiectomy" into the Google toolbar(I ain't saying why)and this is one of the sites that pops up(warning: best not to look at this at work.) As you can surely imagine, I was shocked. My reaction was one of immediate horror, followed by horrified fascination, followed shortly thereafter by revulsion, followed almost immediately by an overwhelming and powerful urge to blog this. Other than that, there's not much to say. The gentelman who hosts this site appears to me to be slight weirdo in his willingness to share highly testicular...uh, I mean personal, aspects of his life with the general internet community, and while I have slight doubts about the authenticity of the pictures, they seem all too horribly real.

Last Night

I went to this guy's room and we hung out and drank this gallon of wine he had (don't ask me). I got extremely fucking drunk. I threw up in his sink and later the bathroom. He wanted to go over to his buddy's place for some more, but as I got outside I couldn't walk. So I went back to the room and collapsed on the floor. My roommate was here and he was telling me I was mumbling crazy shit. I remember some of that. I was passing by this guy and was like "I love that beard and hair man." I some some girls and was like "I love you guys. You're beautiful people." In bed I was like "Who's that black private dick whose a sex machine with all the chicks? Shaft!" (ok, that's from "The X-Files" so it was probably a Son of Dolemite quote from MadTV). I then woke up with the worst hangover I've had (which I'm still feeling) and just vomited up everything, guys. Now this part is embarassing, but too damn funny not to tell. My roommate brought his family in earlier, while I was starting to jack off. I quickly got it in, but my fly was still open as they were saying hi to me, so I did this half-turn in the chair and quickly said hi. Then I got on the floor like I was picking something up and zipped it. I then started making conversation and acting normal, but his Dad asked me if I was feeling better since last night, so I guess Matt told them about me. Hopefully that will excuse my weird behavior, but it could have been bad!